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Image by Zach Stern

Dear Mr. President,

I saw your tweet yesterday suggesting we change libel laws in response to some piece in the New York Times, and you know what?

You’re a child.

Seriously. You always have been, but you typically presented yourself well enough on The Apprentice – you were actually very likeable – that I was able to look past your incredibly infantile responses to some of the well-deserved barbs delivered your way over the years.

Well, The Apprentice run is done, and you’ve got yourself in a fix. Howard Stern was right. After entertaining yourself by toying with your fellow citizens for the last year and a half, they called you on it and gave you the job – the job for which you are incredibly ill suited. We can see it in your face. You look awful! Nothing’s going right is it?

Poor baby.

I did not read the Times piece and have no idea what it was about. It does not matter one bit. Tomorrow, the Times or some other publication or media outlet will call you on the carpet for your continuing nonsense, and you will throw another little they-are-so-mean-to-me tantrum on Twitter. You know the kind of people who do things like that?

Children. People like you.

It’s no secret that presidents take some heat in office. This goes all the way back to the beginning of our nation. It’s a democracy, remember? It comes with the job. You know this, of course, but you’re special. All that has to change for the princess-in-chief, right?

Look, I’m no tough guy. Nobody likes criticism, myself included, but at least I minimize it by trying to be a gentleman most days. And though I admit this opinion is definitely not gentlemanly, it is certainly true, and in the case of our president behaving like an unruly toddler, absolutely necessary.

You won’t change. Why should you? You were a man-child all through the campaign, and it worked! Or did it? Let’s be honest here: you suck at the job and you’re miserable. You probably never really wanted it, and right out the gate your presidency has been mired in scandal. In some cases potentially treasonous scandal, and there seems no end in sight.

Mr. President, you’re a lousy executive. Maybe you always really were. You began your career with considerable help from your dad – no shame there – but now I wonder if he and the Trump organization kept you propped up all these years. You just really seem to have no idea how to work with people or to consistently carry yourself in a reasonably dignified way. You didn’t even escort your wife up the White House steps. So, so, so classless! Notice how I haven’t addressed policy issues here? It doesn’t matter where you stand. Even if I agreed with all your policies (they’re not really your policies, I know), I’d want you gone.

You’re an embarrassment.


You can’t take the heat.



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