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Dear “Colion Noir,”

I gotta hand it to you: that’s some top-tier, craven-ass trolling.  On a weekend when even child-in-chief Donald Trump realized that since he couldn’t think of anything nice to say, he should probably haul his ignorant self off to the golf course, you decided that something just had to be done about these darn meddling kids.

So you stepped up.

And like the most modern of cowards, you took to the airwaves to let the world (or, at least, your subscribers) know that it was your wildly misguided opinion that the students marching against gun violence were, somehow, putting on a “festival,” and that what they truly wanted was to “burn the constitution and rewrite the parts [they] like in crayon.”

Wow.  That’s dumb.

I mean, it’s brilliant as a piece of trolling, but, still, it’s seriously dumb — just as it is to claim that “these kids ought to be marching against their own hypocritical belief structure.”

Look, it’s clear you’re a sensitive dude.  The idea that millions of individuals around the country took to the streets (and not just to YouTube) to stand up for what they believe, to try to affect some positive change in this country, and to remind people that no matter what else, the easy access to high-powered guns in this country has made it all-too-easy to massacre innocents, whether one by one or seventeen in six minutes, somehow deeply offends your uber-delicate self.

But, I’ll tell you what.  If what you really want is to be a hero, like the way you lionize Blaine Gaskill, then let’s strike a deal: you keep your guns (because, no matter what else, no one is “OMG coming for our guns!!!@@$$$$!” despite the NRA’s constant cries to the contrary), but you also step up and do some work to protect our future in other ways.  Fight climate change.  Help elect politicians who believe in science.  Help lobby for policies to protect our farmland, our rivers, and our air.

Otherwise, you’re just another damn troll.

Sincerely,

Letters2Trump

 

 

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