Day 240: A Golden Opportunity Awaits, Mr. President! Health Care For All! Put Your Super Excited Eyes In and Read On (or Have Someone Read It To You).
Photograph by NYMag.com
Dear Mr. President,
I am so excited for you! An amazing opportunity has fallen into your lap. Finally, you have the chance to put your name in your favorite all-caps font, gilded and glorious, on nearly 20% of the GDP in our country. No, I’m not talking about putting your name on a wall. That’s thinking small and I’m thinking Huge! I’m aiming so much higher for you. I’m talking about your chance to put your name on our health care system. This week, Bernie Sanders unveiled his plan for Medicare for All. A single-payer health care plan, Berniecare would systematically lower the age of enrollment in Medicare over the next few years until every single citizen in our country has free health care. Obviously, Berniecare, as a system, is unpalatable. It reeks of mildewy sweaters and socialism. But Trumpcare? TRUMPcare? That is a glorious word, full of majestic intonation and caps-lock bravado. And you could do this! You could make this happen! Just like Obama took Romneycare and made it his very own, you could take Berniecare to the masses, paint it gold, and live in notorious infamy, going down in history not as the worst president of all time, but as the one who single-handedly saved millions of lives.
It’s really not so difficult of a sell. After all, if your name is on it, your loyalists will fall in line. And you could pay for this thing much easier than you can pay for a wall. You wouldn’t even have to bully Mexico. Yes, you’d have to raise taxes. But a tax increase on businesses would actually save them money, once they are out from under the weight of employee health care. Yes, you’d have to raise taxes on everyone…but everyone would actually save thousands of dollars every single year without the copays and premiums they currently kick out to private health insurance companies. You’d be saving every company and every citizen quite a lot of money. Think of the economy! Think of all the rounds of golf Americans could now afford at your golf courses!
A wise man once advocated for…and then backed away from…and then advocated for…and then said no to…and then praised universal health care. “We must have universal health care. Just imagine the improved quality of life for our society as a whole,” this wise man once wrote. You could follow his advice. You have the chance to do something great. The time is now, Mr. President. Listen to Donald Trump, sir, and replace Obamacare with something even greater. It’s time for TRUMPcare, Mr. President. It’s time to listen to yourself for once. Give in to your own peer pressure and do the right thing. If you do, I promise you that our nation will remember you, gold-plated and brazen, as the one who not only saved us money, but as the one who actually saved our lives.